Showing posts from May, 2012

How He Loves

I hope you all had a wonderful Memorial Day weekend! Our weekend was nice and relatively quiet.  Just the way I like them :)

We spent time with the in-laws and ate lots of food and played a few games.  My favorite was the game Nerts!  Have you ever played that?  It seems to be a combination of the games Solitaire and Speed.  It's crazy-fast and such fun.
Summer has just begun over at our household, and it's been a slow start.  Loveit! Today, when The Husband took a break from studying (he's completely taken over the dining room--I'm going to be out-of-my-mind-excited when he's finished and has taken the durn test), we ran a few errands.

We just got the white board today; sadly, it has replaced a beautiful piece of art that used to hang there. He promises it will hang there again soon.   *fingers crossed* Then, we had lunch at an Italian restaurant around the corner from us.  A friend gave us a gift card to use there, and I'm always excited about free (or mostly-…

Last days *updated*

**This has been edited because, after talking with a friend (who was slightly confused by a few things I said...or didn't say), I re-read it and realized that I must have been half comatose as I typed it last night.  Good grief, even I was befuddled.  So, I clarified a few things and deleted a few things and added a few things, and now, in my mind at least, it seems to make a bit more sense.  So sorry for any confusion, and thanks Bethany for being my unofficial editor!  Haha!**

Thursday was the last day of school.
My last day to teach six of the sweetest pre-kindergartners.
That morning, as we sang our "good morning" songs, I began to tear up.  But, I stopped myself.  I didn't want our last day together to be one filled with tears.  I do have a sweet picture of the six of us (one of my boys was absent), but I won't post in on here since I don't have their parents' permission.  It was a great half-day with them, and then, the real fun began.
The weeding …


"May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with hope." 
Romans 15:13.

Since the day we left the hospital (it played in the car as we drove away) just over two weeks ago, I have clung to and listened to and sung along with one song over and over and over.
I've NEVER had a song touch my heart and match my circumstances as clearly as this one does.

Sometimes, it hurts to listen to it.  It reminds me yet again of our loss.
But most times, I smile as I hum along.
Because the singer speaks (sings) truth, and the lyrics play across my mind and soul so vividly.

My favorite part of the song?
The tag at the end.

"Jesus come and break my fear,
Awake my heart and take my tears,
Find your glory even here,
When the hurt and the Healer collide."

I need those things.

I need Jesus to break away the fears that I find myself falling into multiple times a day.
I need Him to rip away the fear that the same thing is going to…

A New Normal

Then. Hanging out with The Husband and with friends like Hank
and being silly in restaurants because we could.
Now. Receiving 20 30 40 sympathy cards in less than two weeks.
Having wonderful, caring people  pour themselves  into fixing/providing delicious meals for us every other night.
Being presented with plants  and
flowers and giant, child-made signs  from the ones who grieve alongside us.
Finding monetary gifts  on my desk at work  after being gone for two weeks and feeling a sense of awe  at the generosity  of our friends and coworkers.
Knowing that we will be in debt for quite a while  to the hospital that took such amazing care (I wish I could double underline the word amazing because the hospital staff was absolutely incredible) of the three of us at one of the worst possible times. (Jeanette and Tracy, you will probably never read this, but you were two of the kindest, most precious nurses.  The time you took with us, the care you gave us, and the kindness you showed us will never


The moment the test came back positive
The moment we loved you for the first time
The moment we heard your heartbeat
The moment we saw your arms and legs moving, moving
The moment we found out something might be wrong
The moment we saw you were a girl, and we began to pray pray pray for you like never before--by name
The moment you first kicked or shoved, and Daddy and I could feel you at the same time
The moment I worried that I wasn't feeling you like I had been
The moment they tried and tried and tried but couldn't find your heartbeat
The moment the doctor shook her head and said, "I'm sorry."
The moment we were admitted to the hospital, in the maternity ward, where mothers were delivering their sweet little ones
The moment the nurses began to induce and the physical pain set in right alongside the emotional pain we were all in the midst of
The moment we realized it was going to be a long night...and then a long day
The moment that I delivered you
The moment …

Soaking it in

I know I'm not suppose to worry.
It's not healthy, it's unproductive, it doesn't change what's happening.
Or what's going to happen.
Or even what has already happened.
Heck, me, myself, and I wrote an entire post about why I shouldn't worry.  You'd think I would at least take my own advice if not The Husband's or friends or family members. 
I'm tired.  And worn out.  And a little scared.

*This could all totally be pregnancy-related.
I'm a little hormonal these days.  I'm an emotional mess.  I cry; I complain; I panic; then, I cry some more. My poor husband has really had to extend the limits of his patience.  Not that that's a bad thing.  I think we could all use some patience-extending moments in our lives.  Don't you?

*Or, it could be my own desire to control situations.
Case in point:  Something goes awry at home (something breaks, needs cleaning, needs changing, you get the idea), and I am all about getting it set to right.  Q…