Sunday, March 28, 2010

Daily Walk

I've been reading the musings of bloggers like MckMama, Angie, and Kelly for literally years now. I feel like I know those ladies in real life. In fact, I talk about them as if we're friends. I've cried when I've read about the difficult things in their lives, I've prayed for their children when they were severely ill, and I've praised God with them when He has generously bestowed blessing after blessing upon their families. They are excellent writers, and their writing pulls readers into their lives in an intimate way. They are genuine (or seem to be) with their feelings and thoughts, and I find that refreshing.

That being said, I've never felt the urge or the calling to blog. I'm no writer; I'd rather read about the lives and thoughts and feelings of others than write about my own. Living in this texting/blogging/tweeting/facebooking world, I'm already self-centered enough; why would I want to draw more attention to myself?! The constant posting of "status updates" leads to a life of self-absorption that I am trying hard to step back from.

I have, however, lately been feeling like God is calling me to be more authentic in my faith. With my family, with my boyfriend, with my friends, with the students I teach, with those I come into contact with daily. I love God. I can't imagine a life of not loving Him. But, I do find myself pulling away at times, especially when the times are easy (hah! or easier--since life is rarely easy). In the tough times, those times where the world seems like it's being rocked to its core, I cling to Him, and I rely heavily on my faith in His unending mercy and grace. I love Him just the same during the "good" times, but I fail to express that daily, and I fail to give Him my full attention when I am expressing my love for Him. It's like I give Him half of me when in reality He is calling me to give ALL of myself. If I were being truly honest, and I really want to be, then I would have to say I often give Him far less than 50% of myself. I give Him what's left over at the end of a long day. Instead of giving Him my full, undivided attention in my talks with Him, I find myself getting distracted by a song running through my head, or a call I need to make, or even a book that hasn't been read in a while. And while I know God loves me just as much as He does when I give Him my all, I know He wants more of me. He wants, no, commands my obedience in that area, and who am I to go against the command of my Creator? The one who called all of this world, this universe, into existence. The one who knows me and my thoughts (even those I keep so pushed down that even I forget they are there much of the time) and who knows the number of hairs on my head. The one who calmed the storm, healed the sick, raised the dead, bore my sin, died for me, and calls me daily to walk with Him. I have to give Him my all, and I have to do it with a sincere heart.

So this is Day 1. I'm starting fresh. I'm going to talk to Him, really, truly talk to Him, all the while remembering (or trying really hard to) that I am getting to kneel before the throne of God, the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and End, the First and the Last. I get the privilege of casting my worries, cares, sorrows at the feet of the Everlasting God. I get to talk to the Almighty One, really talk to Him, and I get to sing/shout His praises. It's my honor and duty because He deserves to be worshiped and glorified, for He is holy, set apart, perfect. He is good, and I choose to give him all of me. Daily.