My answer was a resounding yes.
I know that I am surrounded by many, many people who love me and would lend an ear or a shoulder whenever necessary. But, I don't always explain myself well verbally. Writing down my thoughts? I feel a deep sense of relief when I click that orange Publish button. I've said all that's floating around in my crazy head, and my head..and usually my heart...feel better.
This is me.
This is my real life.
Sometimes, the weight on my shoulders is too much to bear.
Sometimes, my hopes and dreams are dashed away by the reality of the situation.
Sometimes, I feel like God is so far away. Too far to call out to. Too far to hear me. Too far to step in. Too far to make things right.
I make mistakes. I say hurtful words. I think awful thoughts.
Life moves on at a steady pace.
Hearts are mended. Love is professed. God is near.
The pinks and golds begin over the horizon.
A new day dawns.
"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore, I will wait for him."
Every. Single. Morning.
I don't know that I'll ever truly grasp that:
My God loves me so much that I will not be consumed. Consumed by fears. Consumed by regrets. Consumed by disappointments.
His compassions, His mercies, are there each new day; I serve a faithful God.
My favorite part of that section? Verse 24.
Can't you hear the author saying it with determination in his voice, maybe with a slight quiver knowing that the living, active Father God who is powerful and majestic and worthy of praise is the One to whom he's referring? For me, it's a tiny wake-up call. The LORD is everything I cry out for; He has and will continue to supply all my needs. I just have to wait.
He knows at what point I need which blessing.
If He knows the number of hairs on my head, He certainly know what's pressing on my heart. What lies curled up in a ball for only me to see. What rears its ugly head when poked or prodded by life-moments.
I was reading my Jesus Calling devotional this morning. I've really enjoyed diving into the word after reading the author's take on the verses discussed.
This morning's passage was focused on Psalm 34 (a beautiful and perfect Psalm for me this morning) and Isaiah 55 with a focus on verses 8 and 9.
It was Psalm 34 that hit home for me though. It's what I've been doing but need to be doing more of.
"I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.
Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him."
Psalm 34:4-8 *emphasis mine*
When I diligently seek the face of the Lord, when I kneel at His feet, when I raise my hands to Him, He delivers me from my fears. Has that ever happened to you? One moment you're lost adrift on a frothy, violent sea of worries, and the next you're at the feet of the Savior. You "taste and see that the Lord is good" and your worries, though they may be valid, are not as scary as they once were. What a beautiful moment with Jesus.
"The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
verses 17 and 18 *emphasis mine*
I know you've been there. I certainly have. Broken. Crushed. Those words are a picture for those moments that bring us to our knees. But when we call out to Him in our anguish, He saves us. And our spirits are healed. Our God, the God who created Hadley, who formed her in my womb, who connected her daddy and I together in a way we never thought possible, was there the second her heart stopped beating. He was there the instant the terrible emotional and physical pain hit. He was there the moment we said goodbye.
He didn't turn His back.
He didn't pretend our pain was trivial.
He met us there.
He met us there in a mighty way.
We were crushed in spirit, and we were more than brokenhearted.
But in the midst of all that was happening, He brought us perfect peace that could not be explained.
And day by day, morning by morning, our hearts are a little less brokenhearted and a little less crushed.
He is mending those tender hearts of ours.
And we are grateful.