Life and Death
I don't know what I would do without my faith in Jesus, the Resurrection and the Life. I think losing someone to death would be unimaginably difficult and completely unbearable.
Two days ago, my Uncle David passed away. It was a shock, and it tore my heart in two. Uncle David was a man filled with kindness, generosity, love, and humor. He loved Jesus. He loved his family. He loved teaching. He loved baseball. He and I had a bond (especially when I was younger), and I'll never forget the time he took with me, the letters he sent, and the small tokens of affection I'd receive periodically in the mail. He took an interest in me. And, he was downright fun. I miss him. It doesn't yet feel real that he's gone. I grieve with and pray for my family (especially for his wife and children and his brothers).
It's been one year ago today that I delivered and said good-bye to Hadley. Some moments have been harder than others, but I would say that God has definitely helped us through the difficult times and has mended our hearts. It does get easier. We still miss her. We still wish she were here, waiting with us as we prepared for Baby Boy's arrival, but our hearts are no longer grieved on a daily basis.
I would be lying if I said I never thought about losing Baby Boy because of what we went through with Hadley. That thought niggles at my mind sometimes (it did especially early on in the pregnancy), but I can't live that way every day of my life. Living in fear and sadness isn't truly living. I know deep down that whether God grants us ten minutes, ten years, or a lifetime with him, we will have been blessed. Feeling him move, seeing his sweet face, knowing he's healthy, those things are precious, and I wouldn't give them up for anything -- even if someone told me that we'd never get to meet him this side of heaven or that we'd only have him in our lives for just a short time.
It's the living that's important.
It's the knowing that my Hadley and my Uncle David are hugging and laughing and praising Jesus together right this very moment. It's the feeling of God's peace and presence in the midst of deep sadness. Sometimes unbearable sadness.
But not despair.
If I was uncertain of Jesus' promise that He's preparing a place for us, if I doubted His death and resurrection, if I simply believed that this life is all there is, then yes, I would despair. But, I know, in my heart and in my head, that those things are not true. I know because I know Him. I know because I've seen Him move and work and pour out His love. I can't doubt. Even when it would be very easy to do so.
This is what I know.
"Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him." 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14
He won't leave us or forsake us in our grief.
He promised.
I'm clinging to that promise as The Husband and I head out to the cemetery to visit Hadley today, and I will cling to that promise as my uncle is buried on Monday.
Thank you, Sweet Friends, for your prayers for our family.
Two days ago, my Uncle David passed away. It was a shock, and it tore my heart in two. Uncle David was a man filled with kindness, generosity, love, and humor. He loved Jesus. He loved his family. He loved teaching. He loved baseball. He and I had a bond (especially when I was younger), and I'll never forget the time he took with me, the letters he sent, and the small tokens of affection I'd receive periodically in the mail. He took an interest in me. And, he was downright fun. I miss him. It doesn't yet feel real that he's gone. I grieve with and pray for my family (especially for his wife and children and his brothers).
It's been one year ago today that I delivered and said good-bye to Hadley. Some moments have been harder than others, but I would say that God has definitely helped us through the difficult times and has mended our hearts. It does get easier. We still miss her. We still wish she were here, waiting with us as we prepared for Baby Boy's arrival, but our hearts are no longer grieved on a daily basis.
I would be lying if I said I never thought about losing Baby Boy because of what we went through with Hadley. That thought niggles at my mind sometimes (it did especially early on in the pregnancy), but I can't live that way every day of my life. Living in fear and sadness isn't truly living. I know deep down that whether God grants us ten minutes, ten years, or a lifetime with him, we will have been blessed. Feeling him move, seeing his sweet face, knowing he's healthy, those things are precious, and I wouldn't give them up for anything -- even if someone told me that we'd never get to meet him this side of heaven or that we'd only have him in our lives for just a short time.
It's the living that's important.
It's the knowing that my Hadley and my Uncle David are hugging and laughing and praising Jesus together right this very moment. It's the feeling of God's peace and presence in the midst of deep sadness. Sometimes unbearable sadness.
But not despair.
If I was uncertain of Jesus' promise that He's preparing a place for us, if I doubted His death and resurrection, if I simply believed that this life is all there is, then yes, I would despair. But, I know, in my heart and in my head, that those things are not true. I know because I know Him. I know because I've seen Him move and work and pour out His love. I can't doubt. Even when it would be very easy to do so.
This is what I know.
"Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him." 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14
He won't leave us or forsake us in our grief.
He promised.
I'm clinging to that promise as The Husband and I head out to the cemetery to visit Hadley today, and I will cling to that promise as my uncle is buried on Monday.
Thank you, Sweet Friends, for your prayers for our family.
Beautifully written, sweetheart. I am crying tears of sadness and joy as I read your thoughts. Your dad was moved beyond words. Thank you for being able to express your heartfelt beliefs and feelings in such an elegant way. We love you.
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