Phrases Abounding

Do you ever come across a phrase you've never heard before and then start to hear it over and over?

Is it that you never heard it or that you never listened for it?

I don't know the answer to that, but I do know that I have had a phrase shared with me in different settings three times in the last three weeks, and I know without a doubt that God is speaking to me.
He is speaking directly to my heart.

I can't say that I've ever heard him quite this clearly before, so it's taken me a little off guard.

Root of Bitterness

That phrase has shown up two weeks in a row during our Wednesday morning Bible study lesson. I think those were the first two times that I had heard it used.

The third was during my prayer last night from Thirty-One Prayers for My Husband, the book set that The Husband and I have been doing together.

just.  whoa.

whoa.

Ok, God. I'm listening.

And, it's gotten me thinking.

Often it seems that God gets our attention before or right as something big happens. Big things in our lives are taking place, big blessings, financially and relationally, and we are praising him daily for how he is moving, for how he is growing us, both together as a couple and individually. He is forcing me out of my introverted, comfortable bubble, and I am trusting him to lead me.  He is growing The Husband in ways that make me love him (both of them) all the more.

But satan hates when that happens.  He hates when we praise God.  He hates when God gets the glory.  He hates when he loses. 

So he plants seeds.  Seeds of contempt.  Seeds of anger.  Seeds of jealousy.  Seeds of hostility.  Seeds of bitterness.

He planted a seed of bitterness in my heart over two months ago.  And, it has grown and grown, and its roots are deep.  So deep that it seems normal to feel this way. Almost good.

Words were said, accusations made, ugliness was spewed, I was rejected, and now I desire nothing to do with this person.  The bitterness is so strong.

But it is NOT of God.  It is not right for me to harbor this bitterness.  It is not for me to nurture it and tend it as if it were some delicate, beautiful thing.

It's not.  It's ugly and harmful.

And God doesn't like it.  He says so clearly in his word, something that I've obviously read before because I've read the book of Hebrews several times, but apparently, I've never had it click.  It's never stuck.

Until recently.

And now, I can't get it out of my head.

So, I am prayerfully asking God to help me dig it up.  To help me remove this very deep, very divisive root.  And, I'm asking him to help me move on.  To make way in my heart for things that glorify him, things that honor him.

Because, like my Bible study leader said:  God is impressed with obedience, not fanfare.
Am I obeying him daily, or am I disobeying?
I want to obey, and the first step to obedience is to let go of the ugliness in my heart and rise above.

I can't guarantee that the other person will want to move on.  But that's not for me to decide.  Convicting the hearts of others is not my job, it's God's.  My job is to follow his leading, his voice, his word, and to obey.

As hard as it is sometimes.

Lord, remove that root of bitterness that is so deep in me.
Cast it out and fill that hole with your abounding love and mercy.
To you be the glory.