Roller coasters

Can I tell you something?  Ok, but you have to promise not to tell anyone.  It's a secret.  I've kept it hidden deep, deep down for quite a while now.  


I'm not perfect.


I'm.  


Not.


Perfect.


I wake up each morning with the intent to try hard, do my best, and be ready to take on the day ahead of me.  And each day, it seems, at least lately, I blow it.  I can't do it on my own.  I try.  I try really hard.  


And yet.


I don't try hard enough.  
Does that make sense?  I mean, I put forth effort.  I do what I'm supposed to do.  I listen and follow directions.  And yet.  


I feel like some mornings I have to drag myself kicking and screaming (in my head, at least) out of bed.  Is that how it's supposed to be?  It can't be.  I don't believe that it is.  And yet.


That's how it is.  
Sometimes.


Other days, it's lovely.  The sun is shining down (and creating 106° heat waves), the birds (literally) are chirping away outside, and all is right in the world.  
I feel like I'm on a roller coaster, and to be honest, I don't like roller coasters.  They make me sick to my stomach, they scare me, and they are not pleasant.


Today was one of those roller coaster days.  I ended up in the shower tonight singing random songs, and two that we sing at school found their way out.  I feel privileged to get to sing those songs at work, and they always, always bring a smile to my face because of the truth that they speak.  The first one out was "Be Thou My Vision."  I only know the first verse by memory, so as soon as I was finished with that one, I immediately started in on "In Christ Alone."  And this one I know entirely by memory.  No matter what, I always cry during the last verse.  Because it's beautiful.  Because it's truth. Because it puts things in perspective.
Because it never fails to bring me to my knees at the foot of my Savior's throne.   
I love that last verse.  It's a beautiful reminder:  "Jesus commands my destiny."


Yes, He does.
      

In Christ alone my hope is found, He is my light, my strength, my song; this Cornerstone, this solid Ground, firm through the fiercest drought and storm. What heights of love, what depths of peace, when fears are stilled, when strivings cease! My Comforter, my All in All, here in the love of Christ I stand. In Christ alone who took on flesh Fulness of God in helpless babe! This gift of love and righteousness Scorned by the ones He came to save: Till on that cross as Jesus died, The wrath of God was satisfied - For every sin on Him was laid; Here in the death of Christ I live. There in the ground His body lay Light of the world by darkness slain: Then bursting forth in glorious day Up from the grave He rose again! And as He stands in victory Sin's curse has lost its grip on me, For I am His and He is mine - Bought with the precious blood of Christ. No guilt in life, no fear in death, This is the power of Christ in me; From life's first cry to final breath. Jesus commands my destiny. No power of hell, no scheme of man, Can ever pluck me from His hand; Till He returns or calls me home, Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.