We're fifteen days out.
In fifteen days time, I'll be waking up to begin preparations for the wedding that will be taking place that evening. I'm sure the fiance will still be asleep that morning. I don't think it will take him quite as long to get ready for our big day. ;)
Getting ready for a wedding (and to be perfectly honest, I haven't had to do a whole lot--thanks so much, Mom and Fiance's Mom!) has been challenging. I've been stressed out and frustrated a lot of the time. I've been a worrier and a nagger and an altogether unpleasant person at times.
The fiance and I have had arguments that seemed completely reasonable (to at least one of us), which turned out completely ridiculous. We've fought, and hoped, and dreamed, and planned, and counted down the days to when we won't just be planning a wedding anymore. We'll be taking part in one. But much of that anxiety has left me as of late.
Can I just say how at ease I am? I'm so relaxed (maybe the fact that it's summer and school's out has something to do with it!). I'm enjoying this time now. Enjoying spending time with the fiance when he's not working. Enjoying seeing friends. Enjoying reading books, watching movies, going to the gym. I'm even enjoying cooking, dusting, vacuuming, doing laundry. I'm enjoying life. I wish it could always be this way.
But I know this is just a season. It's just the season between school years. The season before marriage.
I've been preparing for marriage my whole life it seems. I was the little girl that pretended my room was my apartment. I'd pretend to unlock my door (with my imaginary key), walk into my "home," and greet my husband and children (the five or so baby dolls scattered around the room...I love babies...). Sometimes in my pretend play (I was forced to use my imagination...I didn't have access to video games or cable for that matter), I'd pretend to be a secretary or a pediatrician, but almost always, I'd find myself going back to "playing house." This went on well into my middle school years; though I'd never admit it at the time. I loved the idea of love, marriage, and a baby carriage.
Into high school, I spent my time away from school (haha, and during school) dreaming up the perfect husband. He didn't materialize during those years, not did he appear during my college years when it seemed like everyone I knew was meeting their perfect someone and tying the knot. I began to feel a little depressed. "What was wrong with me?" I wondered over and over again. God was asking me to be patient, and I was not doing well following His words.
I finished college with my education degree, enjoyed the summer off, and began teaching the next fall at my old elementary school. I LOVED my first year there. The kids were great, the parents were supportive, and my team was phenomenal. I thought to myself, "I never want to teach anywhere else. I'll never leave *insert small town name*!" I prayed and prayed that I would meet the "right guy" there. But God, as He usually does, had very different plans for me.
My second year of teaching was a nightmare. The kids were great, my team was still phenomenal, but there was one parent who managed to make my life miserable. I spent the majority of that school year in tears. I wondered at the time what would possess someone to be so hateful, so cruel, and I began to wonder if it was me. Was I the problem? Was I suppose to choose something different as my career? Was I to blame for her actions? It wasn't until the following year that I realized the answer. No. I was one teacher in a long line of (excellent) teachers that she would torture and ridicule throughout her child's school years. And that's very sad. It wasn't until years later that I could hear this woman's name without my heart racing.
So, because God is God, and His plans are often quite different than my own, I found myself moving to *insert large city name* to teach at a private Christian school. And it's made all the difference.
Because two years after moving here, I met the fiance. And God's plan for us became quite clear just months into the relationship.
It hasn't been easy, but every moment with him has been a blessing. I cannot wait to be Mrs. Fiance's Last Name.
You have been a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, a hand to hold, arms to embrace, a voice to calm, eyes to see the real me (without all the makeup and straightened hair...not pretty in the mirror...but in your eyes, I am).
I can't imagine making this journey without you. Thank you for being such a hard worker; I know you will be an awesome provider for our family. Thank you for having dreams of helping those who are hurting; you have such a kind heart. Thank you for letting me dream of our future family with you; I can't wait to see you with our children...I can already see that you will be a funny, loving, protective father...you will be wonderful.
I wish the day was already here, but that would rush the season we're in, and I want to enjoy this time of preparation and relaxation as much as I can before the next season of life begins.
I love you, my dear. Let the journey begin :D