Freedom

Four weeks in. I'm four weeks into the new school year. The kids? Sweet! The parents? Helpful! The long days? Exhausting. Hah, but that's normal, right? Really though, this year is starting out great, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for my classroom!

A few weeks ago, as I was watching an old (I mean old!) rerun of Doogie Howser, M.D. (Go ahead. Admit it. You know you've watched it. For those of us who are old enough, we may have actually watched it when it originally aired...*gasp*), one of the characters was struggling with who he was deep down inside. He began by listing his outward charms, quirks, irritants, but soon realized that those things were only a small piece of who he really was. And I thought to myself, "Who are you?"

Really...who am I?

I think we all ask this question at some point in our lives; though I don't know that I've ever verbalized it. I do know, however, that when I'm asked to describe myself, to jot down a few sentences explaining the important points about me, I have a difficult time. It takes a lot of effort for me to put into words who I am.

Outwardly, I'm a 27-year-old, 5' 1", green-eyed (though sometimes they appear blue depending on the clothes I'm wearing) brunette. I'm a teacher of young children (though this group is not quite as young as the grades I've taught before). In the classroom, I'm a leader. I'm a lover of music, of lyrics, of harmony. I'm a reader of books that sweep me away. I'm an organizer; I love schedules...oohhh I squeal inwardly when checking things off lists! I adore orchids, but I can't keep them alive. Not one single one. I'm an admirer of pink but a wearer of mostly black and brown. I'm a daughter. I'm a sister. I'm a fiancee.

Inwardly, I'm contemplative. I'm thoughtful. I'm purposeful. I'm introverted. In life, I'm a follower. I'm considerate of others' feelings. I'm conscious of how others view me. Of what they think of me. I'm an obey-er of rules. I'm a planner-of-the-future. I'm a listener. I'm a little lazy. I'm a worrier.

But, you know what? None of that really matters. In the grand scheme of things, my outward traits and my inward characteristics don't really mean all that much. Yes, others see me, know me, and judge me whether they do so intentionally or not. But their judgments don't matter.

I found God again tonight. This evening, as I bowed my head in prayer while sitting on the floor confessing my sins, I remembered that He is WAY bigger than my problems and failures and flaws and transgressions. Confession, though it's incredibly painful and humbling and embarrassing (hah...like God doesn't already know what I've done or said or thought), is so freeing. Before it's confessed, sin has this incredible hold that feels like a crushing weight; it feels so overwhelming and so unfixable. And, that's exactly what satan wants us to think. The king of lies wants us to believe that we screwed up royally and are no longer able to receive forgiveness from the One who reigns. Confessing out loud takes away the sting, the bite, the power that sin had. Because our God is greater. He's greater than any sin I commit. He's stronger than any problem thrown my way. He's awesome, and He reveals satan for the deceiver he is.

James 5:16 says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

The moment I confessed, took hold of my failures, and poured out my transgressions to my Creator, I was forgiven, made righteous in His holy sight, and most importantly I was healed. Sin lost it's power over me.

Our God is faithful!! "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

So, does it matter how tall I am, what color I wear, whether I'm a leader or a follower, or which internal positive and/or negative traits I possess?

Nope.

What matters is

I'm a sinner,

saved by grace,

forgiven by God,

redeemed by the

blood of the Lamb,

made righteous.

I'm a Christ-follower. And, I'm free.