Ryan. You were a spitfire from birth.  You had us all holding our breath when you'd whirling-dervish your way into a room.  You had a smile and a head-full of angelic curls that could light up any gloomy day.    You were the first new baby in our family.  The first grandson. My first nephew. A very wanted child.    You and I. We spent many a day together over the first five years of your life. We had park dates and adventures. We played and danced to Bon Jovi.  And, you grew, both in maturity and stature. You gained a self-control that amazed me. You were a friend to your sister and a helper to your family. You were kind and thoughtful and quiet and unassuming.  We had you in our lives for 18 years.  Such a short time for such a loved young man.  I can't wrap my mind around the truth of it. The truth that you aren't here with us anymore. The truth that I won't hear that "hello" when I call or see you ...